“I could never be a foster parent – I’d be afraid of getting too attached”.
Let’s be honest, haven’t we all thought this? But the reality is, there are children who are in dire need of a home and, having fear get in the way of their future is something that as a society we cannot afford.
So let’s examine why fear wins over our willingness to do something good, and the different ways in which we can move past this feeling.
There are many misconceptions about what foster parenting really is, and this is partly because many families who decide to become foster homes do so with an end goal of adoption. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt, in many cases the main purpose of fostering is to give children a temporary home while they await reunification with their biological families.
We all want children to have a happy and healthy life, and this might not be possible if the rift between them and their biological parents is never healed. So instead of looking at fostering as an alternative to adoption, we should be looking at it as a temporary act of love for families in need.
Our second misconception has to do with attachment. The whole point of foster parenting is to create some sort of attachment with the child, but that does not have to come at the exclusion of other attachments – especially with the biological family. This is a new bond: an addition, not a replacement. One that is badly needed by children who have experienced tough times.
It is OK for you and your foster child to create some sort of attachment: in fact, it is encouraged. It’s how the child learns to trust and rely on other people; to learn that they are not alone in the world, just as every child is supposed to.
Thirdly, when we’re thinking about foster parenting we have to remember that it is not about our needs and feelings, but about the children. Consider the real reasons why you want to foster, and if those reasons are stronger than the pain you will experience when you have to let go of a child that you love, then you are ready to embark upon this journey.
True love is learning how to let go and knowing how to differentiate between logic and your heart. As the song says, if you love somebody, set them free. Fostering is about building strong individuals who will ultimately be independent, because of the foundations you helped build.
